Last Night in Our House

Burning images into my memory tonight, of this little house that has been our home for the past 7 years.  This marks our last night in a house that is the only home our children have really ever known.  We moved here when Emma was only two and Chloe was just five months old.  It's hard not to feel that the place itself is somehow sacred and to feel a bit of grief at leaving.  But as my heart has been pondering it, I realize that a house of wood and drywall, of all the materials that give it it's form, is merely a backdrop for the home created within the four walls.  Don't get me wrong, it's a backdrop I'm truly thankful for in a world where owning a home is a tremendous privilege.  But I guess what I'm saying is, when we leave our house tomorrow, our home is coming with us.  It will find it's place in a new location half way around the world, it won't stay here.  So while I'll miss the cozy backdrop that we'll only hold in pictures now, I can celebrate this new season fully confident that the people I love will continue to define our home, not the walls and roof that hold us.  I took pictures of each of the kids tonight in their rooms, one last shot of the places that have sheltered my sweeties during these precious childhood years.  Pictures really are worth a thousand words, words I will treasure in my heart with gratitude. Goodbye little house on B Lane!  You have been a beautiful backdrop, a warm and dry one too, for which we are so grateful.  If we never live inside your walls again, it will be okay, because God is writing our story and each chapter has it's beauty and purpose.

Change is like a River

Whether we see it this way or not, change is always happening, to us, around us, in us, through us, it is the way we were made, to progress (even if progression sometimes equals regression).  I remember reading a blog post once describing the constantness of change as a flowing river.  Try as we may to fix our eyes on one point and make it last, the river, just like time and change, waits for no one.  It marches on, pushing us towards the eternity we were made for.  As mothers we often say clique things like, "I wish they'd stop growing up" when we talk about our children growing older, or "why can't they slow down!"  But really, why are we fighting God's design, this moving forward that has always been since the dawn of creation?
As I look ahead to what seems like huge change in our lives, moving to another country, leaving the home we've raised our children in to this point, a town we love, friends and family we cherish, the temptation is to let deep sadness settle in, to fear what we don't know. What if what's to come isn't as great as what is?  What if deep and scaring trial awaits? But by what standards am I measuring greatness and isn't it fire that refines the purest gold?  It's a knee knocking thing, this not knowing, this holding on to the robe tails of Jesus and His promises with trembling faith.  But I am reminded again and again that it is here, on the verge of change that He longs to swoop us up into His unchanging strength and power and sovereignty. He is the author and perfecter of our faith after all, working all things together for the good of those who Love Him and have been called according to His purposes. It's gotta be in these places of not knowing that He draws us to deeper dependence on Him, where He reveals more of His ability in the midst of our inability.  Boy is that happening and boy am I humbled! As I pack and repack suitecases and watch the rooms grow emptier and emptier I can't help but lift my eyes to the One who promises to be my real home no matter what the inevitable changes of this life bring.  He is my True North, the place I can fix my eyes on that will never waiver.  And these faith jumps, I am not jumping alone, I am so thankful for that!  By His amazing grace, He has called me out of darkness into the light of His matchless love, a love that indwells me and never leaves even when I ignore it, and it's right here, in the soup of my weakness that He reveals His strength, making it clear that anything good in me is from Him.  And that's enough, He is enough, to carry me through the changes of this life, discovering His purposes for me even in the hardest things.  Fight the change?  No.  Because change will always win, even when I think I've protected myself from it.  Moment to moment, I have to choose to surrender fears, choose to abide in His presence and receive the fruit of peace that follow. See you soon beautiful Switzerland!  My life vest is secure, jumping in the river now!