Last Night in Our House

Burning images into my memory tonight, of this little house that has been our home for the past 7 years.  This marks our last night in a house that is the only home our children have really ever known.  We moved here when Emma was only two and Chloe was just five months old.  It's hard not to feel that the place itself is somehow sacred and to feel a bit of grief at leaving.  But as my heart has been pondering it, I realize that a house of wood and drywall, of all the materials that give it it's form, is merely a backdrop for the home created within the four walls.  Don't get me wrong, it's a backdrop I'm truly thankful for in a world where owning a home is a tremendous privilege.  But I guess what I'm saying is, when we leave our house tomorrow, our home is coming with us.  It will find it's place in a new location half way around the world, it won't stay here.  So while I'll miss the cozy backdrop that we'll only hold in pictures now, I can celebrate this new season fully confident that the people I love will continue to define our home, not the walls and roof that hold us.  I took pictures of each of the kids tonight in their rooms, one last shot of the places that have sheltered my sweeties during these precious childhood years.  Pictures really are worth a thousand words, words I will treasure in my heart with gratitude. Goodbye little house on B Lane!  You have been a beautiful backdrop, a warm and dry one too, for which we are so grateful.  If we never live inside your walls again, it will be okay, because God is writing our story and each chapter has it's beauty and purpose.

Change is like a River

Whether we see it this way or not, change is always happening, to us, around us, in us, through us, it is the way we were made, to progress (even if progression sometimes equals regression).  I remember reading a blog post once describing the constantness of change as a flowing river.  Try as we may to fix our eyes on one point and make it last, the river, just like time and change, waits for no one.  It marches on, pushing us towards the eternity we were made for.  As mothers we often say clique things like, "I wish they'd stop growing up" when we talk about our children growing older, or "why can't they slow down!"  But really, why are we fighting God's design, this moving forward that has always been since the dawn of creation?
As I look ahead to what seems like huge change in our lives, moving to another country, leaving the home we've raised our children in to this point, a town we love, friends and family we cherish, the temptation is to let deep sadness settle in, to fear what we don't know. What if what's to come isn't as great as what is?  What if deep and scaring trial awaits? But by what standards am I measuring greatness and isn't it fire that refines the purest gold?  It's a knee knocking thing, this not knowing, this holding on to the robe tails of Jesus and His promises with trembling faith.  But I am reminded again and again that it is here, on the verge of change that He longs to swoop us up into His unchanging strength and power and sovereignty. He is the author and perfecter of our faith after all, working all things together for the good of those who Love Him and have been called according to His purposes. It's gotta be in these places of not knowing that He draws us to deeper dependence on Him, where He reveals more of His ability in the midst of our inability.  Boy is that happening and boy am I humbled! As I pack and repack suitecases and watch the rooms grow emptier and emptier I can't help but lift my eyes to the One who promises to be my real home no matter what the inevitable changes of this life bring.  He is my True North, the place I can fix my eyes on that will never waiver.  And these faith jumps, I am not jumping alone, I am so thankful for that!  By His amazing grace, He has called me out of darkness into the light of His matchless love, a love that indwells me and never leaves even when I ignore it, and it's right here, in the soup of my weakness that He reveals His strength, making it clear that anything good in me is from Him.  And that's enough, He is enough, to carry me through the changes of this life, discovering His purposes for me even in the hardest things.  Fight the change?  No.  Because change will always win, even when I think I've protected myself from it.  Moment to moment, I have to choose to surrender fears, choose to abide in His presence and receive the fruit of peace that follow. See you soon beautiful Switzerland!  My life vest is secure, jumping in the river now!

Switzerland- Chapter 1

As you can see, I've consolidated my blogs to this one.  I'm excited about the new name, it really sums up what I want this space to be about!  I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus, which I'm sure you've noticed.  It certainly hasn't been for lack of things to write about, but rather for lack of time and energy at the end of the day.  But I sense the beginning of a new season of more frequent writing as our family starts a new adventure!  For any who haven't heard, we are moving to Switzerland at the end of the year!  It's been a dream in the making for many years now, to live abroad as a family, but to see it actually happening now is hardly believable!  Travis will be software engineering at a boarding school in a small mountain town in the French speaking part of the Swiss Alps.  He came across the job posting in a software engineering magazine he regularly reads and went for it.  It wasn't an easy decision, to accept the job, even though it was the culmination of dreams, because the reality past the romance needed to be sorted through.  We decided to take a trip to Switzerland at the end of October to see it first hand and do some good praying/talking over the decision.  We left with a definite yes, and though it was with a great sense of relief and excitement, we came back home to the overwhelming task of actually moving our family of six to a country across the ocean and breaking the news to precious family and friends whom we knew would take it hard.  Thankfully, everyone has done some initial grieving and is now getting excited for us, which feels really good.  We just completed our last garage sale of two, which gives us a big sense of relief to have so much gone.  We've been slowly filling a storage unit and packing the suite cases we'll be bringing.  It's our goal to get everything move ready before Christmas, and so far we're doing well towards that end.  We've had so many friends rally to help us during this stressful time, meals, play dates for the kids, buying our stuff, you name it!  What a blessing it is to be loved by family and friends who have become family.  It's funny, even after our decision to take the job, Travis was still feeling some anxiety about whether we made the right decision.  Just before the offer came to us, he had just accepted a really good job at a new company an hour away from us.  It was a big pay increase which complicated the matter in our hearts because the Switzerland job is actually a pay decrease.  All the while, we knew this process was revealing where our treasure lies and pushing us to steps of faith we were trembling to make.  But I just love how God shows up with confirmation, AFTER a big step of faith. As my dear cousin Sara told me in a text while we were in Switzerland, if we always got a burning bush to guide our decisions, there wouldn't be the need for faith.  How true that is!  It was only after our decision was made that we got to meet another family who had taken the other IT position (there were two positions).  As it turns out, they also have four children, three girls and a boy!  And it doesn't stop there, though in a different order than ours, their kids are the same ages as all of ours AND they are our brothers and sisters in Christ!  We will be living in the same apartment building and our kids will be starting at the village school together.  Such undeserved icing on the cake!  And we've had so much fun getting to know them through Skype and facebook.  To think that God was writing this story on both of our lives, to intersect the way they will, before we ever met just floors us with gratitude and praise!  So as the winds grow colder and snow starts to fly, when many go into hybernation mode, we are embarking on the biggest adventure of our lives to date!  Pray for us if you will, that all would go smoothly, especially on December 30th when our journey begins and we cart 9 suite cases and our precious kiddos to the airport (Lord have mercy!).  Pray for our visas to come through in a timely manner and all items of business to get wrapped up neatly.  Pray for peace for us and all those we love as we say our good byes, that God would grant special comfort to our families as we adjust to less frequent hugs (although thank goodness for Skype!).  We will keep you thoroughly posted along the way, and as always, we love to stay caught up with your lives as well.
Au revoir!  And if you ever find yourselves in Switzerland, we hope to say Bonjour!  I'll leave you with what will be our gorgeous living room view in the Alps.

Chloe is 7!

For just under seven years, we've lived in this house and for seven years, my lion-spirited, big hearted, beautiful Chloe Paige has been in my life!  Chloe, I know there may be times in your life when you feel lost in the shuffle as a middle child, but know this sweet girl, there is nothing lost or second rate in my love for you!  You have blossomed so much in the past year, from a timid kindergarten graduate to a confident, outgoing almost second grader!  The way you question the world around you hasn't changed, but your questions are getting more interesting and I love trying to answer them.  Your love for make believe is still going strong, which makes us so happy!  The longer you can hang on to that joy, sweetie, the better!  You've made quite a reputation for yourself around the neighborhood this year, as the resident big sister.  Cece, Maddie, and Isla look up to you and wish you really were their big sister.  The way you play with and care for them has your mama beaming with pride!  But the little girl who adores you the most is your own baby sister, Autumn.  She follows you around all day asking to play baby with you (she being the baby, you the mama), and most of the time you are so obliging and patient with her.  You are so helpful to me just by being you, you're such a treasure!  Something I've learned about your personality this year is that you have a gift beyond your years for compassion towards others, especially those you love.  At the end of a long day, you often insist on giving me a foot rub with lotion and bringing me water saying, "you worked so hard today mommy, you need to rest".  Or sometimes you just sense that someone is sad and it makes you sad too.  You are so quick to feel and say sorry when you're wrong, but you don't just stop there, you want to make amends by doing something for the person.  You give the best hugs and kisses Snooie!  It's like I can feel your soul through them!  Happy birthday baby girl!  I thank God every day for letting broken me love you and lead you in this life.  Every year with you is a gift I treasure beyond words! xoxo  Mommy

And Every Boy Grows Up

I just had to write about how cute you were today Sawyer Michael!  We went to Walmart to get a few things and since preschool starts in a couple weeks, I let you pick out your backpack.  You were so excited about it, so proud of the one you picked, and when we got home, for the rest of the day you were wearing it and asking if you could pack it for school.  I had to keep reminding you that we still needed to buy your school supplies and that we have time.  You kept asking, "will it be when we wake up?"  To which I had to keep telling you it would be a lot of "wake ups", 16 to be exact, until your first day of school.  Emma read you your school supply list and when she got to the part about a spare outfit in a ziplock bag, the light went on that you could pack that today and so you raced to your room!  We labeled your ziplock bag with your name and carefully placed your folded undies, socks, shirt and pants inside.  You then put your backpack on the hook in your room and stared at for awhile, just happy you got to put something inside of it for school.  As the day went on, you asked if we could play school.  You wanted me to first be your mom and yell, "Sawyer, it's time to get ready for school!" so you could come out of your room with your backpack.  We did this and you came out beaming.  Oh sweet son of mine, if you only knew how much I enjoy your excitement about this new adventure you're about to go on.  You won't always be so excited about school work as the years go by, but it's my earnest hope that your excitement for learning will only continue to grow.  It's only natural that you want to get bigger, to do new things, to move forward.  But as your mother, I want to thoroughly savor these precious times when you're four.  Some day, you'll leave home and marry a wonderful girl, have a career, a life of your own, just as it should be.  But right now, your life is with me, pretty much constantly, and I'm loving it!  You are a gift, sweet boy, in more ways than you'll ever know!  So as you take this baby step in two weeks towards the growing up that every boy must do, know that in your mamas heart, you will always be this boy!  I love you!

Emma is 9!

Happy birthday Emma Grace!  I refuse to believe you are half way to 18, I just don't even want to think about it.  The last birthday in the single digits!  There I go, doing it again, wishing I could slow time down.  But it marches on for all of us, it's supposed to, so instead of being sad about the time passed, I will be thankful for the years given.  Sweet peanut, you've had a great year, complete with growing pains in your legs and lost teeth that have given you that wonderful, preteen snaggled grin:).  I'm so thankful for our relationship baby, you are so sweet to me!  You tell me all the time how much you love me and you continue to prove that your love language is quality time.  Your favorite mommy/daughter date is a trip to Mahalo to get frozen yogurt.  I love our bedtime chats these days, sharing our hearts with each other, hearing your burning questions.  You continue to love all things fashion and friends and your beauty continues to grow from the inside out.  You continue to be a wonderful artist and have gotten quite good at sewing as well.  It's so fun to see you creating and doing things you love. You are uniquely made and gifted and it gives me such joy to wear the title of "mom" to you. So baby girl, little beauty who made me a mama, here's to another year of loving you and a prayer that Jesus would woo you more and more to himself.  xoxo Mommy

Summertime

I had some great plans before summer break started, plans for a morning schedule, a special activity each day, like the park or library or pool.  And those plans have been great, most days really helping us be more purposeful with our time.  I'd even say it has prevented fighting... some of it.  But today, as the kids were squealing through the house with a couple of their friends, jumping from one "game" to the next, without a thought to the time, the memories came flooding back.  I remember when a day seemed like a week, when my friends and I would be deep in make believe, maybe a boat out of TV trays, Little House on the Prairie, lost orphans, and the afternoon truly felt like an eternity in a good way.  The only adult thing I can compare it to is getting lost in a good book, becoming part of the story in your mind and not wanting to leave.  This is the stuff of childhood, this is the beauty of summertime!  I'm not sure when the clock starts to hound us and imagination gives way to responsibility, but I love getting to go back in time as I watch my kids be kids.  Childhood is a precious and fleeting gift, sweet babes, I hope I'm creating a home where you are making the great memories I have of my own childhood.