Those Sneaky Idols

It seems a bit ironic to be blogging about this, but I've been thinking a lot about the pitfalls of blogging lately. Perhaps I am the only one who falls into these or even sees them as pitfalls, so humor me if that's the case. Do you sometimes feel that your computer and blogging has become an idol of sorts in your life? I know that's a strong word, but I think an idol is anything that takes your time, energy, or focus away from your God-given priorities, namely your walk with Him and your servanthood towards your family and those God has placed in your life. Over the past couple weeks, I've had this new consciousness of what writing and reading blogs might be taking away from these areas in my life. I've been pondering the real reasons why I blog, and to be completely honest, I'm not proud of all of them. Sometimes I feel that my computer is a magnet, sucking me into it as I pass by, the mouse beckoning me, the keyboard calling my name. Now I know this sounds a bit like an addiction and well... that's exactly what I'm calling it! Don't get me wrong, I believe God has used this blog world to bless my life in countless ways. I have met some special women, kindred spirits, who have spoken truth into my life at just the right moments, prayed for me, and encouraged me like Christ with skin on. To not acknowledge this fact would be wrong and neglecting to give God credit where it is due. "Father, I praise you so much for the way you work, even through modern technology, to speak into our lives and connect the body of Christ!" You special gals in my blog world know who you are as well! But what I'm asking us to do is dig a little deeper and ask some tough questions about why and how we blog. I'm going to be really real here and give you my lists:

WHY:

1. For escape. Being a part of this blog social circle is an escape to the world of adults when I am craving adult content and conversation. This in and of itself isn't wrong, isolation is never good for us for too long, we were created for each other as the body of Christ, we are better together than we are on our own, God designed it that way. But does this "escape" sometimes take time and focus away from my children, away from serving my family, being present in my marriage, away from my precious time with my Savior in the Word and in prayer? My answer, yes, sometimes it does.

2. For friendship. There is not much fault I can find with this reason at first glance, but if I dig a little deeper, it's also for popularity. Come on, do you ever compare comment numbers with your bloggie sisters? Here's a little mental conversation I've had, "hmm, I wonder why she gets so many comments? She must while away the hours commenting on other people's blogs. Maybe if I comment more, I'll get more comments myself, or maybe what I write just isn't that interesting?" Listen to this foolishness of my heart, but boy it feels good to get it out there! And as I give a little thought to the whole notion of "bloggie awards", I can't help but think we are participating in a bit of a popularity contest. We should, by all means, encourage, compliment, and esteem one another. But when we start picking and choosing who is worthy of an award, what are we saying to those who are not "awarded"? Wouldn't it be better to regularly acknowledge the things we appreciate about our sisters in Christ in personal relationship? These are not declarations I'm making, just thoughts, take them for what they are worth. It does feel good to get an award, but when I'm honest with myself, that good feeling often comes from pride, not always, but sometimes. Which leads to my third "why"...

3. To feel wise, insightful, and that I must somehow have it all together. In other words, to boost my pride. Or conversely, to feel holy in my humility, which is really pride in disguise! Don't get me wrong here, I do so desperately hope and pray that God might use my words to encourage, challenge, and speak to others. But I am asking myself if there is any pride involved? Do I take more credit for the "wisdom" I share than is mine to take? Is it by and for God alone that I speak or am I seeking out a little boost of ego myself? These are tough questions to write and ask, but a little easier to answer than I had hoped. Is anyone else getting this?

4. For entertainment. Let's face it, peering into other people's lives can be entertaining. Seeing and hearing about how others live and think, finding commonalities, differences, having others interested in us, it can be very fun. And is fun and entertainment wrong in and of itself? Of course not, but when it becomes an idol and a distraction from God's best, it is.

5. For support and affirmation. Who doesn't need this right!? I'm still having a hard time finding a wrong motive in this "why", but the best I can come up with is, are we seeking this support and affirmation from each other before we seek it from the Lord? If the answer is yes, then BAM, we've found our pitfall.

6. To share photos, events, and updates with family and friends. Pretty neutral, noble cause right? There really isn't much fault I can find with this reason for blogging either. It is my pleasure to open our lives through photos and updates to those dear ones who live far away. The only thing I can think of that probably needs regular "checking" in this area is, I need to ask myself, am I seeking compliments and counting comments or sharing solely to share?

7. To journal. I am a writer by nature. I do my best thinking "out loud". The way I see it, if I can grow "on paper", where others can glean from my learning, what better way to build up the body and be a light to the world at the same time. And if I can receive the same encouragement and insight from those beyond my own immediate social circle, I am allthemore blessed. As great as this sounds, it can also trip me up if I'm not careful. Back to one of the previous "whys", I need to be careful that I am not seeking an audience for the sake of an ego boost, or to feel more wise or insightful than I ought, or "holier than thou" in my humility.

I'm sure there are more "whys" than I can think of now, or that I'm genuinely not aware of, but this seems like a pretty accurate and thorough list for me. And I'm sure I've got us all feeling pretty schmuck-like (word?) at this point, but before I allow us to wallow in our wrongs, I'm going to try to dig out the how, and how not to blog and see if we can't find a light at the end of this tunnel. Please add your insights to this list as I'm sure there are some things I have missed!

HOW/WHEN:

1. During the day when the kids are awake. Although this isn't my heaviest time on the computer for blogging and email, I'd be lying if I said it doesn't happen pretty regularly that I am sitting here, with my little Chloe at my knees begging for my attention to be drawn to her or Emma asking to sit on my lap or play or read or do anything other than stare at mommy's face staring at a screen. In these moments, the proverbial, "just a minute" flies out of my mouth more times than I can count. Now granted, there are daily chores and tasks that must be done, that children must be patient while you do and that, I believe, they should learn to help you with at an early age. But is blogging and emailing one of those things? I believe my children and their raising/training is my single greatest ministry, my highest calling. Our children are little arrows of God's light and grace that Travis and I get to shoot out into the world. So in everything I do, I must ask myself, how does the way I choose to spend my time impact what kind of arrows they are? They are learning by teaching, but also by example, in fact example is stronger in shaping them than teaching. Ouch! So my resolve? Limit or eliminate all together the time I spend on the computer while the kids are awake.

2. During nap time or after the kids have gone to bed. Now these are better times right! They are not intruding on my parenting, whew safe!...Well, not exactly. The "free time" stolen by the computer during nap time can still be time stolen nonetheless. So I've been asking myself, what better ways, more fruitful ways, could I be spending my time when the girls are napping? Here's what I've come up with:

-Taking a nap to refresh myself so I can be a better, more present, wife, mother, homemaker, friend, and daughter of the King. Or perhaps just being quiet on the porch, taking in God's beauty.

-Spending time in the Word and prayer, communing with my Savior and best friend!

-catching up on chores that are difficult to do when the kids are awake so that their awake time is more orderly and peaceful and full of more play/teach time with them.

-planning my menus and shopping lists to be better prepared to feed my family delicious, nutritious meals.

Then there's the time after the girls go to bed. This is the time when I must ask, am I present in my marriage? Are we taking the time to really connect and share and pray together each night? Are we carving out time for intimacy, not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally too? Does my time on the computer get in the way of that? Sometimes, well to be honest, a lot of the time, my answer is yes.

One of the uses of email and blogging I can see to be more beneficial than hindering for me is encouraging my sisters (and brothers) in Christ. But this, so long as it doesn't hamper those priorities higher on the list. It's so hard to think that something so good, so right, like building one another up through a nice email or blog comment could need a second thought. It's something I LOVE to do and I believe God wants me to continue doing it. BUT, only after I have given my first energy and time to my God, my husband and my family.

CONCLUSION

Before I get too long-winded, which I fear I may have already:(, let me sum up my conclusions in this time of purging and growth in my life.

1 Corinthians 10:23:

"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive."

Bottom line, whether it is blogging, email, the television, certain music, certain crafts or hobbies, whatever fills my time, I must always ask myself, is this beneficial, is this constructive, as far as those God-given priorities are concerned, as far as eternity is concerned? Do I need to simply cut back the amount of time I spend on a given activity, perhaps change when I do it? Are there certain things that need to be cut out all together?

As far as blogging is concerned, does this "new revelation" mean I won't be here anymore? Oh no! You better believe I'll still be here, I love blogging and the connection I share with each of you bloggettes (look at me, creating new words because of blogging!). But it does mean, I may not be here as often or at the same time of day as I used to. It does mean, that I may not be able to comment as frequently. But know that I am still here, loving and praying for each of you in your own journey. And just because this is a conviction of mine doesn't mean it will be one for you. We are all in different places, with different convictions, at different times in our lives. But I think the most concise thing I would hope we might get out of my ramblings is that we should always be aware of what fills our time and our hearts. We should always be willing to purge or prune that which is getting in the way of God's best for us. And only He, through His Word and prayer and the whisperings of the Holy Spirit, can reveal that to us.

Blessings to whomever may read this, EVEN if there are zero comments!

Love, Sarah

Chloe Turns One!

I really had hoped to do this post yesterday, on Chloe's actual birthday, but as Mondays go, it just didn't happen. As expected, we just can't believe our baby Chloe is one year old! Her first year seemed to go even faster than Emma's did! I'm sure you seasoned parents are nodding in agreement that with each child, time seems to move faster. All I can say is, "Slow down!" I hope you enjoy these slide shows of Chloe's party and some pictures to recap the year. Miss Biddle Peep, miss Moseroo, our lives are so much brighter since you came into them! Our love for you is indescribable, you have become such an important and unique member of our family, we are truly blessed to be your parents. Kisses my baby, and may your second year be just as beautiful as your first!

Love, Mama, Dada, and Sister Em

Savoring, Slowing...

The oxymoron of moments. Emma is fully potty trained! No more diapers, dry panties all day, dry most mornings upon waking, the triumphant music is playing in my head! All the carpet cleanings, potty charts, discipline, frustration and hopeful anticipation are nearly over. While I thought this moment would bring me elation beyond words...I sit here feeling a bit... melancholy. My Gracie is not a baby any more, not even a toddler. In fact, dare I say pre-schooler?! How can this be my baby, how can this be?! It seems like only yesterday I was sleeping in our chair in our tiny apartment with your little weight upon my cheast, snuggled in for a nap. It seems like only yesterday you were nursing at my breast, gazing into my eyes as if your very existence resided in them. It seems like only yesterday you were taking your first unsure steps to me, beaming with pride. Oh, how we spend so much timing hoping for the next milestone only to miss terribly the time before. I must savor every moment, drink it in, hold it in my mouth, let it linger awhile, gracing every tastebud before I swallow. These are the days I will long for when my last baby flies the nest. Each day can only be lived once, I must make it count! Walk slowly, play long, hug and hold often, say the words that are in my heart, shepherd theirs. Walk moment by moment with my Savior, love Him with everything I have, so one day, my little ones will want to walk as mommy did. Oh sweet babies, my love for each of you wells up in my throat! You will always be my babies, no matter how big you get, I am so blessed!

"You give and take away."

Pslam 34:1 - "I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips."

(The beautiful roses my husband brought home for me on Wednesday evening.)

It has taken me a few days to decide if and how to post about this. But here I am, oodles of thoughts and feelings racing around in my heart and mind, and now I will try to give them voice. It is my prayer that perhaps some part of what I am about to share will draw you closer to my precious Lord, that He will be glorified.

On Saturday July 21st, I took a pregancy test and it was positive! Those of you who have ever seen two lines in that little window know what joy emmediately filled my heart. I looked in the bathroom mirror at my smiling face with my hand gently covering my stomach. Right away, visions of this little person growing inside of me began to form. "Who would they look like? Was it a boy or a girl? How would we adjust to having three children three years and under?" This baby wasn't "planned", I had just weaned Chloe not even a month prior and really wasn't expecting my body to return to fertility so quickly. After 8 months post-weaning Emma with no return to cycling and then taking clomid to induce ovulation, which God used to give us Chloe, I must admit Travis and I were a bit synical, and therefore not as "cautious" as we could have been. But as shocked and nervous as we were upon receiving this blessed news, we quickly grew into the idea that we would be becoming a family of five in nine months!

My mind started churning with plans for moving Chloe into Emma's room and giving them a girly haven while decorating the nursery for this new little one. Emmediately I was dreaming of those first movements I would feel inside my womb, the dance my hand would do with tiny feet as they moved accross my belly.

Then...Tuesday night arrived. A routine trip to the bathroom brought everything crashing down. Yes, that's when the miscarriage started. I don't think I'll ever look at the color red the same again. It started out slowly, "maybe this is implantation spotting" I thought, "surely it will stop soon." I called my sister, my mom, Jenn each time hoping they would tell me it's going to be okay, this is normal, when deep inside I knew it wasn't. Sleep came slowly that night, after tears in Travis's arms and praying for peace, comfort, and assurance of God's soveriegnty in this heartbreak. My eyes opened Wednesday morning, was this real, was I really losing this baby? "Catch me father, carry me. I will praise you because you are good!" I prayed. The blood test I had taken on Tuesday to confirm that I was pregnant came back and yes, I was in fact pregnant and therefore miscarrying. His peace poured over me, I can't explain it. It was well with my soul.

"Thank you Father, for this beautiful life you created in my womb, for gracing us with this tiny soul. Thank you for creating each life with purpose, be glorified in and through this baby. Lord, as the song says, "you give and take away...my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name!"

Emma's birthday in pictures

We celebrated twice for Emma's birthday, once on her real day at home and again the following Saturday at Water World. Emma never wanted to leave Water World, she even asked if we could sleep there on the car ride home! What a happy birthday you had sweet baby!

For more pictures of our day at Water World, hop over to Jenn's blog.

Happy 3rd Birthday Peanut!

Three years ago today, at 12:02am, so just barely today, you entered this world and changed ours lives forever! Looking into your face for the first time was one of the happiest moments of my life. I envisioned the life ahead of you, knowing that God created you for His pleasure and with great purpose. And it was our privilege to love you as "our own", though you are the Lord's and our immense responsibility to "train you in the way your should go."

During that first year, you taught us so much about sacrificial love and the importance of having the courage to give you the leadership you needed, sleep training was our first test, even though it wasn't easy for us. It was a preview of what all of parenting would be like. Loving you enough to put you through something uncomfortable for the greater good, even when you don't understand in the moment. That first year, we were graced with so many of your firsts, first smiles, first laughs, first words, first steps, what a time of joy!

When you turned one, we could hardly believe a whole year had passed. Daddy often said, "what was life before Emma? It feels like she has always been a part of us!" And oh how true that is! We can't imagine our lives without you and pray we never have to experience that! Your second year gave us the first taste of our role as disciplinarians, the real stuff of parenthood. Thank you! We have learned and continue to learn so much by having you in our lives!

I love you so much my sweet peanut! I feel that our souls are intertwined in such a beautiful way. I know that we were always meant to be mother/daughter and I feel so blessed! Your humor, your nurturing, your strong will, all of who you are, I love you!
Always, Mama

You are daddy's little girl, his firstborn. You captured his heart the moment he laid eyes on you. Your kisses and hugs at the end of each day bring everything he does for our family into immediate perspective. No man will ever love you like your daddy. "Happy birthday my baby girl!"
Love you always, Daddy

Three years old! You're growing up way too fast. We will drink in every moment with you Emma Grace, you are a gift from God!

Honored!

Elise over at A Path Made Straight nominated me for this award, and I must say, WOW! Thanks Elise! You are one of the first people I think of to nominate myself, so I'm speechless.
Jocelyn over at ~*~Lothlorien, Realm of the Lady of Light~*~
created and gave these stipulations for this award:
"The reason for the title is because this award should make you reflect on five bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and have been a Godly example to you. Five Bloggers who when you reflect on them you get a sense of pride and joy... of knowing them and being blessed by them.

This award is for the best-of-the-best so consider who you pick, carefully. This award should not be given to just anyone. If you're going to do the award don't just write a few words and slap it on your blog. Write real thoughts about these bloggers and what they've been to you, and if the bloggers you pick have already been given the award, don't be afraid to give to them again. They deserve it as many times as it's given."
So, with that said, here go my nominations:

1. Elise, right back at you my friend! Besides the fact that you are an amazing writer and have a way of painting pictures with your words, it is the message in your writing that so inspires me. Your heart for the Lord and your family is a breath of fresh air every time I read your posts. Genuine, passionate, insightful, discerning. These are all words I can use to describe you. I look to you as an older sister of sorts, even though you may not be older than me at all. All I can say is, "Thank you!"

2. Andrea, reading your blog is like stepping into a river of wisdom, letting it wash over me, catching as many pearls as I can hold in my hand. You always give me a new, deeper way to look at things and make me laugh in the process, thank you!

3. Anne Marie, my sweet friend! Your gentle spirit is such a model of Christ-likeness to me. You have a true servant's heart, I don't think I've ever heard you complain, yet you are constantly laying your life down for others. I furthermore admire your heart for reaching the lost. Another sister in spirit!

4. Jenn, my accountability partner for life! No one can pray for me over an email like you can! The spirit of the Lord touches my heart through you all the time, with your encouragement and perspective. I love how real you are, no pretenses, just exactly who you are and how you're feeling. And you are the very definition of laying down your life for your friends. I know there's nothing you wouldn't do for me.

5. Amber(Seed), my "real" sister. There just aren't words for my admiration of you! You are so courageous, a model of peace amidst the storms of life. No one can make me laugh like you can, and there are few who know me better. Thanks for always giving me honesty, love, and your unique, in touch with reality perspective. God uses you to speak wisdom and encouragement into my life every time we talk.

6. Katherine, although FAR too young to be my mother, you have become my "e-mother" of sorts! Everything you write imparts wisdom and inspires me in that I can be more and more refined every day if I will be vulnerable enough to see my need. And your sense of humor is unmatched!

So there they are, please be encouraged and inspired by these beautiful women!