20 Years!

Dusting off this little space called my blog after nine years! I figure if any reason warrants a return, it’s reflecting on 20 years of marriage. Twenty years… it hardly feels real to say. Twentieth anniversary’s are what old people celebrate right?! But here we are, and the first truth that comes to mind is, you don’t just stumble into 20 years. Oh there’s a lot of stumbling … and tripping and down right face plants on the journey, don’t get me wrong, but what I mean is, being married to the same person for twenty years doesn’t just accidentally happen. Anyone who’s reached this milestone can tell you, it takes intention and growth to get this far, so here are the intentions I’ve noticed for Travis and I that have kept our commitment sure.

The first one is the very word itself, commitment. It’s a word we toss around loosely these days. In a cultural mindset of relativism and the notion of living by your own created truth, a word like commitment loses its weight. But we see it the way God defines it, which is a covenant we made before Him twenty years ago. This covenant took us from being two separate individuals and made us into one and it’s something we’ve always taken very seriously. This doesn’t mean we’ve given up our identities or capabilities as individuals but rather that we’ve gained the strengths of each other, and bolstered each other’s weaknesses so that we have truly become better and more effective in the world together than we would have been by ourselves. Those words are all nice to say, but putting them into practice hasn’t always been easy. There’s not a person who doesn’t have a level of awe and inspiration looking at the slouching, white haired couple who has been married for 70 years. We want to know their secrets, and at year 20, here are a few nuggets of wisdom I’ve gained along the way.

If commitment under a God defined covenant is the foundation, then I would have to say that choosing selflessness is the daily rhythm that keeps us woven together. Notice I said “choosing”, because our natural and broken way is self-centered and selfish. Some days we get it right, and some days we don’t. It takes a conscious choice and the strength God gives to put someone else before yourself, to see things from their perspective and to resist the urge to keep score. We live in a world that has, like no other time before, elevated the self as supreme. We are told to love ourselves, first and foremost, to put ourselves first in everything we do. But if we look around, we see one of the most lonely generations that has ever been. I don’t have to mention how the isolation of technology has compounded the issue, another topic for another day. I remember the early days of marriage, when the exhaustion of raising young children added to the mix. It was so easy for me to pout, and feel slighted when my needs weren’t met by Travis, needs I hadn’t communicated in any sort of mature way but simply expected him to magically know. We both had unspoken expectations of each other, primarily self focused in nature, and were often feeling let down when they were unmet. But something beautiful happens when we can give each other the benefit of the doubt, when we can assume the best intentions from one another and derive actual joy from serving each other instead of constantly waiting to be served. Go first, drop expectations, heap on grace, forgive like breathing in and out, before it’s even asked for, and watch your spouses gratitude create a beautiful back and forth of selfless love.

I could drone on about things like communication and mutual respect, prioritizing date nights and things like that. But under the surface of those things is the notion of intentionally staying connected. This has looked different in different seasons of our lives, but I can say that because of it, I still genuinely enjoy spending time with this man I call husband. As human beings we are ever evolving, changing and growing. We decided a long time ago to continue getting to know and appreciate the latest version of each other. Sarah 20.0 is a little different than Sarah 1.0. And despite the changes, or maybe in light of them, we aim to dream together about where we’re headed, to find common ground on the things we’re interested in or passionate about, what we want for our lives and where we believe God is leading us. We get to have our own individual interests and passions, but that only makes the journey more interesting because it gives us a chance to share those things with each other and weave them into the greater “we”. 

After twenty years of marriage, four amazing children, living in another country and two states, and the countless adventures and even more simple days along the way, I can say that this life we’ve built together is one of the greatest gifts God has given me. I can only hope our marriage has glorified Him in some small way, that maybe someone has seen His love in the way we love each other. Happy Anniversary Travis! I love you forever!

Autumn is 3!

There is a unique ache when your baby, your youngest, has birthdays.  While we celebrate our little sweetie's three years of blessed life, we also grieve a little bit for the end of a stage.  The baby stage? Gone and now the toddler stage is fading into memory.  She's a little girl now, full of spunk and personality.  Autumn Mae, you hold a special spot in our family.  You will always be OUR baby, meaning not just mine and daddy's, but Emma's and Chloe's and Sawyer's too.  Emma says all the time, "I'm so glad I have Autumn for my sister, it's so fun to be older with a baby sister".  Chloe carries you around and entertains you with make believe every waking hour you're together.  You like to play that you're the princess and she's your maid or your dog... and those roles aren't too far from the truth little Noot!  Sawyer has a precious affection for you, a protective love that melts my heart to see.  The other day, you were throwing a fit because you didn't want to walk up the stairs by the grocery store.  I was holding two heavy bags of groceries and you were having a lazy moment.  Your brother came to your rescue by insisting that you needed help and he would hold your hand.  You beamed as he helped you up and then you continued to hold hands all the way to the bus stop.  Sawyer doesn't kiss many of us regularly, he's a bit afraid of germs, but he can't kiss your head enough:).  You had your third birthday in the Swiss Alps, lucky girl!  You may not remember much of our time here, but we are having so much fun exploring this beautiful country together.  You are the sunshine (and a bit of patience testing) to my days.  I think God knew how much your affectionate love language would minister to my heart, we share that love language sweet girl!  You hug my neck with passion and say, "I love you so much my sweetie mom!"  Or "you smell so cute my sweetie mom!"  My heart really breaks for those who never in this life time get to know the joy of the love between mother and child, it is truly a gift.  To my sweet little last arrow (with pink feathers and a wiggly dance), I thank God for the blessing of you!  Happy birthday Mootie!

 (This is what we call the "feed the children" shot, LOL!)

(Does this not look a lot like me at this age, to anyone who knew me then?)

Journal- the ups and downs

Nearly two months, yes you heard right.  We can officially say we're not in vacation mode any more.  I think unknowingly, it started out feeling that way.  So many new things, the kids feeling the same way. But now it's becoming clear that we live here.  Autumn said to me the other day, "I miss our old house, I want to fly on a airplane and go home".  She says what she really feels and thinks, and I think it really captures what we all feel from time to time as we experience the natural pangs of homesickness.  I think it doesn't help that we're in the dead of winter still, feeling a bit cooped up, and that germs have attacked our family in full force.  I have been coughing from what seems like the minute we got here, one cold after another and I'm getting pretty weary of it.  On the positive side, perhaps full wellness and the first signs of spring will coincide for a fresh dose of joy.  I noticed tonight as we were walking back from dinner that it was still a bit light!  The days are getting longer and before we know it the cows will come back to the mountains and we'll hear bells all day long:).  The kids first school vacation break is coming up next week as well and we have some fun trips planned, just what the doctor ordered I think.  I need to get better about uploading pictures to my computer from my phone.  When I'm out and about, capturing stunning views as they happen, I usually don't have my big camera with me.  I'll try to get caught up with pictures on here soon since I know many of you don't do Facebook.  Autumn turns three this Saturday, we'll be having a little party for her that she absolutely can't wait for!  I need to take her out one of these days soon to take some three year pictures.  We are certainly well stocked with great locations for pictures here.  Say a little prayer for us friends, whenever you think of it, for wellness and lifted spirits, as we adjust to and embrace our new life here.  We are counting our blessings daily and enjoying the little things, but also allowing ourselves to be real and feel the full effect of this huge move.  God is present in both, and His goodness never waivers despite our waivering.  One of the things I'm most thankful for these days is how He's been drawing me to His Word and presence.  He has blessed us with a wonderful church body/family who has been such an encouragement to us!

What's New? - Three Weeks

I reminded myself, well before this big move, that while many changes were ahead of us, certain things would be the same no matter our postal code.  I didn't want to fall victim to the dashing of false romantic ideals trap after all.  Like laundry... ugh!  You mean there aren't laundry fairies in Switzerland who swoop in while I'm sleeping and magically wash, dry, fold and put away the dirty clothes of six people, you ask? No such luck.  And what, after uprooting your children from everything they've known while simultaneously being sucked into a vortex of moving preparations, your kids aren't behaving like little angels? Um...no.  Need I go on?  You get the drift, life is going on, as it would anywhere, and we struggle uniquely, as we always have.  But enough of that, back to the title of my post.

So what's new, you ask? A lot actually, so here you have it.  My muscles are new, yes painfully so, but all for the good.  Every day, we are walking... a LOT, up and down hills a lot, and we're getting in good shape for it.  I'm fairly certain I'm at least nearly back to my college wall-sit level... or I'd like to think so.  Our daily routine is new, walking kids to and from the bus stop, up and down the hill to and from the cafeteria for lunch and dinner, learning the city bus schedule to plan shopping outings, translating papers from school from French to English, all of it new.  And I can't fail to mention the new beauties to behold, oh how beautiful these mountains and valleys are!  God had a lot of fun creating this part of the world, I doubt these sweeping mountain views speckled with chalets can ever get old.  Then there is the silence and and clarity of the stars on these winter nights, it brings back childhood memories of stargazing with my dad on our roof in the country.

New foods, a new language, new cultural ways of doing things, we are still very much babies in this adjustment.  But in just over three weeks here, I can still say that I'm excited to be on this adventure.  My favorite "new" of this whole experience are the new people we are meeting and getting to know.  After sitting around a circle of six women in the living room of our new pastor's wife's home tonight, studying God's Word together, I realized that amidst all of the new (people, places, things, experiences), there is this beautiful sameness that comes from our unchanging God.  His love and presence pursue us to the ends of the earth, and His adoption of those who believe makes us instantly family with one another.

It's been a good three weeks, a crazy, amazing, sometimes hard, sometimes blissful, three weeks.  And on we trek to the month marker, it feels surreal at times.  Pray for us friends!  That we would embrace the changes with grace and good attitudes while clinging to the beautiful constant of His love and leadership in our lives.  My eyelids are heavy, so time to sign off before I stop making sense.  More pictures soon I promise, and check out my new blog design!  Thank you Jenn!

Week One

How one week feels like a lifetime I'm not sure I understand, but this past week has felt just that way.  Last Monday, we were saying our goodbyes to our house of eight years and loved ones we'll miss and getting ready to embark on the unknowns of a new life in Switzerland.  The memories of that day are burned into my mind with crystal clarity.  Pulling our suitecases out of my in-laws garage and lining them up in the driveway, the sight of the big shuttle coming down the street to pick us up, praying with dear family and friends just before stepping onto the shuttle, the look of their hands waving at us as we pulled away.  The list goes on, sights, sounds, feelings, all marking what was the culmination of much planning and dreaming finally come to fruition.  Some of our traveling moments were laughable (and not so laughable).  After a 2.5 hour delay on our first flight, we found ourselves, in true home alone fashion, racing through LAX trying to make our next flight.  Dripping in sweat and carrying all the kids bags so they could run and the insanely slow security line had us convinced we just might not make the flight.  Then hearing our names on the airport speakers warning us of our last call only to turn the corner into claps from the airline staff as we just barely made it, what drama!  What a sight we must have been collapsing in a sweaty heap in our seats!  But we made it, and for that I am so thankful.  Over all, the kids did great on the flights.  Autumn had one fussy, "I can't sleep I'm uncomfortable" moment on the long flight and Emma got motion sick from the end of the long flight until we got to our apartment, poor girl, but other than that, they were troopers:).  But lest you think the drama was over at the nearly missed flight, once we arrived in Geneva, we watched our flight's carousel completely empty without one of our bags appearing.  You guessed it, our luggage was delayed.  After two days of washing ourselves with a tiny bottle of facial cleanser and wearing the same outfit for three days, our luggage arriving was such a sweat gift!
     We've enjoyed long (and sometimes difficult) walks around the village this week .  Four walking trips  to the grocery store already and feel we are already getting the hang of where to find things and what most things are there.  We've met some wonderful people already and been thrown two social get-togethers in just one week, we're so spoiled and blessed!  Our apartment is great, newly remodeled and spacious with lovely tall windows and ceilings to take in our breathtaking view of the Alps.  There have been many, "somebody pinch me!" moments this week... and maybe that's what makes it seem like it's been forever.  It might also be the adjustment to the time difference, after all we've traveled forward in time eight hours!
   And just one short week after we left our Colorado home, the kids had their first day at the village, french speaking, primary school!  They had a good day today, no tears and even new friends made.  I think Emma will pick up the French really easily and I'm praying the other kids do too.  We do not take for granted what an amazing opportunity this is for them to be immersed in French:).  We're hoping they'll teach us as they go! I could write more and more, but my eyelids are fading me.  Until next time, I'll leave you with some fun pictures from today, our first day school in Leysin!

Last Night in Our House

Burning images into my memory tonight, of this little house that has been our home for the past 7 years.  This marks our last night in a house that is the only home our children have really ever known.  We moved here when Emma was only two and Chloe was just five months old.  It's hard not to feel that the place itself is somehow sacred and to feel a bit of grief at leaving.  But as my heart has been pondering it, I realize that a house of wood and drywall, of all the materials that give it it's form, is merely a backdrop for the home created within the four walls.  Don't get me wrong, it's a backdrop I'm truly thankful for in a world where owning a home is a tremendous privilege.  But I guess what I'm saying is, when we leave our house tomorrow, our home is coming with us.  It will find it's place in a new location half way around the world, it won't stay here.  So while I'll miss the cozy backdrop that we'll only hold in pictures now, I can celebrate this new season fully confident that the people I love will continue to define our home, not the walls and roof that hold us.  I took pictures of each of the kids tonight in their rooms, one last shot of the places that have sheltered my sweeties during these precious childhood years.  Pictures really are worth a thousand words, words I will treasure in my heart with gratitude. Goodbye little house on B Lane!  You have been a beautiful backdrop, a warm and dry one too, for which we are so grateful.  If we never live inside your walls again, it will be okay, because God is writing our story and each chapter has it's beauty and purpose.

Change is like a River

Whether we see it this way or not, change is always happening, to us, around us, in us, through us, it is the way we were made, to progress (even if progression sometimes equals regression).  I remember reading a blog post once describing the constantness of change as a flowing river.  Try as we may to fix our eyes on one point and make it last, the river, just like time and change, waits for no one.  It marches on, pushing us towards the eternity we were made for.  As mothers we often say clique things like, "I wish they'd stop growing up" when we talk about our children growing older, or "why can't they slow down!"  But really, why are we fighting God's design, this moving forward that has always been since the dawn of creation?
As I look ahead to what seems like huge change in our lives, moving to another country, leaving the home we've raised our children in to this point, a town we love, friends and family we cherish, the temptation is to let deep sadness settle in, to fear what we don't know. What if what's to come isn't as great as what is?  What if deep and scaring trial awaits? But by what standards am I measuring greatness and isn't it fire that refines the purest gold?  It's a knee knocking thing, this not knowing, this holding on to the robe tails of Jesus and His promises with trembling faith.  But I am reminded again and again that it is here, on the verge of change that He longs to swoop us up into His unchanging strength and power and sovereignty. He is the author and perfecter of our faith after all, working all things together for the good of those who Love Him and have been called according to His purposes. It's gotta be in these places of not knowing that He draws us to deeper dependence on Him, where He reveals more of His ability in the midst of our inability.  Boy is that happening and boy am I humbled! As I pack and repack suitecases and watch the rooms grow emptier and emptier I can't help but lift my eyes to the One who promises to be my real home no matter what the inevitable changes of this life bring.  He is my True North, the place I can fix my eyes on that will never waiver.  And these faith jumps, I am not jumping alone, I am so thankful for that!  By His amazing grace, He has called me out of darkness into the light of His matchless love, a love that indwells me and never leaves even when I ignore it, and it's right here, in the soup of my weakness that He reveals His strength, making it clear that anything good in me is from Him.  And that's enough, He is enough, to carry me through the changes of this life, discovering His purposes for me even in the hardest things.  Fight the change?  No.  Because change will always win, even when I think I've protected myself from it.  Moment to moment, I have to choose to surrender fears, choose to abide in His presence and receive the fruit of peace that follow. See you soon beautiful Switzerland!  My life vest is secure, jumping in the river now!